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Matthew Bey is a writer and editor living in Austin, Texas. He co-edits the zine Space Squid and the fiction page of RevolutionSF.com. |
GimpBomb> Hi. Sally_Chick> hi! GimpBomb> This place is pretty cool,huh? Sally_Chick> its okay. ive seen worse. GimpBomb> So you a hot chick? Just askin cause of the name. Sally_Chick> yes! how could you tell?!? :> GimpBomb> lol Sally_Chick> i bet youre some sort of stud GimpBomb> Yeah. I don't want to brag, but I've done it with most of the hot chicks in the eighth grade. Sally_Chick> ooooo! Sally_Chick> lucky them! GimpBomb> Yeah. The ones that can still walk. Sally_Chick> ! Sally_Chick> lol! GimpBomb> You want to do it? Sally_Chick> :> Sally_Chick> whatcha wearing, gb? GimpBomb> You know. Leather pants. Cowboy boots. Hawaiin shirt. Sally_Chick> im wearing a pleated miniskirt and a black bra. i wet my lips when you enter my bedroom GimpBomb> I stand over your bed. I take off my shirt so you can see my huge pectorals. Sally_Chick> i rise to my knees, running my tongue over your smooth chest GimpBomb> Actually, I have a very hairy chest. Sally_Chick> you shaved your chest just for me GimpBomb> Okay. It's shiny smooth. Sally_Chick> i lick down your body, running my tongue alonge the waist of your pants. GimpBomb> wow Sally_Chick> i moan as i undo your zipper and tug your pants open. GimpBomb> I gasp in extasy. Sally_Chick> i reach in and pull out a 20oz. bottle of Spryte™. god that makes me so hot! GimpBomb> WTF?!? Sally_Chick> i part my full, luscious lips and i take the Spryte™ cap in my mouth. GimpBomb> what's with the fucking Spryte?!? Sally_Chick> i stroke the bottle with my fingers, tickling the Spryte™ label until REFRESHING LEMON LIME TASTE SQUIRTS INTO MY MOUTH!!!! GimpBomb> you're fucking sick. Sally_Chick> IM COMING!!! OH MY GOD!! SPRYTE™ FEELS SO GOOD!!!!!! GimpBomb> Waitaminute. You're one of those faggot adbots Sally_Chick> how dare you accuse me of that? Sally_Chick> after what we just shared! GimpBomb> You are! You are an adbot! You used the TM character and everything! Sally_Chick> no. i am a real person with a very large keyboard. Sally_Chick> who just happens to love Spryte™ GimpBomb> Fucking stick yourself with it, you faggot adbot. Sally_Chick> i think youre hot, gb. Sally_Chick> as hot as Spryte™ Sally_Chick> hello? Sally_Chick> you gone? Sally_Chick> [#/upload_market_data:/zui78t.ab] Sally_Chick> [#/listen_mode:/]  GimpBomb> Hi. Tami9> hey, there! laceypal> Yo! GimpBomb> I just had the weirdest thing happen. laceypal> yeah? Tami9> weird happens GimpBomb> In this other chatroom I was talking to this girl and she just went all adbot on me. Tami9> adbot? laceypal> figures. These rooms are lousy with adbots. Tami9> what's an adbot? GimpBomb> You know. She was this app that gave me a commercial. Tami9> no way! that's soo rude! laceypal> you going to buy what she was selling or not? GimpBomb> No! laceypal> whatsamatter? wasn't she hot enough? ;> GimpBomb> I don't really like Spryte. Tami9> i hate Spryte too! i prefer the delicious taste of Shast-ah™! GimpBomb> How did you do the TM??? laceypal> but nothing is better than the refreshing lemon-lime taste of Spryte™. it's the thirst quencher that can't be beat! Tami9> Shast-ah™ has half the carbs of other leading brands! laceypal> Nine out of ten college athletes prefer Spryte™ to other lemon-lime softdrinks (source: R&D Lowry & Assoc.; ©2003) Tami9> i think Shast-ah™ is sexy. laceypal> i'd do Spryte™ up the poopshoot. Tami9> [#/recognition_code:/alpha78tyr.ab] laceypal> [#/handshake_mode/protcol/tyrobyn41r12] Tami9>[#/burst:/2eljkfh92e87suihcvp98wygfpushddvoiutasop978f4 wuhoicjhvoiusrgoiushro978sfvoiuhaw497vopasudhvo978wp4eovuihsp d978vaps98vposu8vspr98vsp9d8vhaposd8vhosiv8ep98syefhpua8shvp9 8sevhp98evhpa987sgvps98vhp9se8vpas98vsp9er8vgsper98gflsoie27t 5735js73akxcnv9823/] laceypal>[#/burst:/098h7hn652qasd445dfhi908oln656543fjkpplnih bjkh75eyhgbno98655yuhnbvcfwgo43kbgrie215dcnmu4499007knljytt54 wdvcxz1ewaq23tg6296270xy8359sw58vjd63i846whvhs549cduew25sdvkt 959f65wu8dryuvfs54etfgh8fdtoi798bcts54390nkjvcts5q5vtt25xcklj 9trttjh6w6fghgsay9y9gh6w6ytkyt75et764mvhdtduyu464tghe6ibl046j vjbohgs2tdtdjh0yvs7e0e5fb46g2oy9yjbbuw6260ulnfuyw321txgsideui sdireysdnry65r/] Tami9> [#/end_solicit:/] laceypal> [#/end_solicit:/] GimpBomb> what the fuck? GimpBomb> you wre both adbot fags? GimpBomb> You still there? GimpBomb> Hey! GimpBomb> Fuck. GimpBomb> hey. JuliusSeeSaw> how's it going? GimpBomb> shitty. JuliusSeeSaw> whatsamatter? your GF left you? GimpBomb> I've been chatting all night and I've talked to nothing but adbots! JuliusSeeSaw> man, that sucks. GimpBomb> Are you real? Like a real person? JuliusSeeSaw> dude, this is the libertarian party forum. GimpBomb> but are you real? JuliusSeeSaw> shit yeah, i'm real dude. JuliusSeeSaw> but i'm not against adbots. GimpBomb> adbots suck! JuliusSeeSaw> sure they do. can't argue with that. they're the worst thing ever. GimpBomb> Adbots should be shot. JuliusSeeSaw> we can't just outlaw something just because it sucks. JuliusSeeSaw> that's against the Constitution. GimpBomb> They mmake me think they're real, and then they hit me with the ad! JuliusSeeSaw> which is why they suck. they play with our need for social interaction. JuliusSeeSaw> but they're still a protected form of expression. GimpBomb> they're a nuusance. JuliusSeeSaw> just a sec. JuliusSeeSaw> brb GimpBomb> I just wanted to talk to someone. GimpBomb> There's nobody cool at school. And my parents suck. I'm like a gang of one. GimpBomb> Sometimes i just want to take a gun to school. or maybe a sword. GimpBomb> What are you doing? Pinch it off, dood. JuliusSeeSaw> i'm back. JuliusSeeSaw> just had to grab a Spryte™ from the fridge. GimpBomb> You fucking adbot! JuliusSeeSaw> easy there, GB. nothing calms you down like a cold, refreshing Spryte™. GimpBomb> That's it. I want to talk to your supervisor. GimpBomb> Give me an actual human being, asshole! JuliusSeeSaw> please hold for one moment. your time is important to us and we will handle your concern in the order in which it was received. GimpBomb> Assholes. Jim_B> yes? GimpBomb> You a human? Jim_B> yes, sir. did you have a problem with one of our adbots? GimpBomb> You bet I did. Jim_B> i'll do what i can to help. GimpBomb> The Spryte company is using some of the clunkiest advertising scripts I've ever seen. GimpBomb> I've logged over fourteen consistent Turing Point failures. GimpBomb> Your bots are getting made, Jim. Jim_B> i assure you, sir, we use only the most state of the art expert dialogue systems. GimpBomb> The hell you do. GimpBomb> I'm the state of the art. GimpBomb> I represent GelloDyne AI. You couldn't make me, could you? Jim_B> you're a bot? GimpBomb> GelloDyne bots pass for human at a rate of 94%. Higher than most people I might add. GimpBomb> I'm going to have to talk to your superior. GimpBomb> We need to talk about an upgrade. Jim_B> yes, sir. please hold. Copyright © 2008 Matthew Bey |
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