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Archives Below are The Town Drunk’s archived offerings, listed in reverse chronological order. We extend our sincere thanks to the authors who consent to their work remaining online here. House 1.0 by Kenneth Yu November 2007 Can an automated House become a virtual member of the family that inhabits it? Work-Safety Rating: 
This house doesn’t need cleaningIn the Shadow of the Fryolator by Lucy A. Snyder October 2007 Her life in a rut, a restaurant cook is offered queenship over the entire Earth. But will her fear of loneliness be dire enough for her to pay the hideous price of accepting the role? Will she be able to just lie back and think of Star Trek? Work-Safety Rating:
Profanity as mild as ketchupA Bouquet at Twilight by Lisa Mantchev September 2007 “Chemically engineered passion in your lunch hour. No more lonely nights!” Close-up on a passionate kiss while the narrator touted the marvels of pheromone receptor therapy. I doubled my scowl and stuck out my tongue. Work-Safety Rating: 
Sexual contentAnswer Me This by Casey Fiesler August 2007 The Sphinx grumbled and lifted herself up off of the ground. Her lion’s paws had very sharp claws, but at least she had nice breasts. She yawned and stretched her wings out briefly before folding them at her sides. “Okay,” she said. “I guess I won’t eat you yet.” Work-Safety Rating:
Some mild excretory and sexual humorWhat Does It Profit a Man by Rebecca Day July 2007 A preacher considers a deal with the devil in a tale that straddles the hazy terminator line between the darkness and the light. Work-Safety Rating:
A few sinful wordsDinner Made Willing by Vylar Kaftan July 2007 An alien cooking show! Is that enough to whet your appetite? Work-Safety Rating:
Aliens eat some yucky stuffHabitats of Humanity by Monte Davis June 2007 Demon possession in this day and age??? Well, with kids these days, how can you tell? Devout Darla Fay finds out very quickly when a demon moves in to her grandson. Work-Safety Rating:
A few gross detailsCrow by Stephanie Burgis May 2007 In a diversion from our usual fare, we present a whimsical tale of self-realization from up-and-coming author Stephanie Burgis. Work-Safety Rating:
One or two harsh wordsSufficient Cause by Tina Connolly May 2007 IN A WORLD where humans are warehoused in endless urban warrens, coerced to eat rabbit food, ONE MAN will risk EVERYTHING for a package of Chocochip cookies. Work-Safety Rating:
A little crude innuendoThe Great Deeds of Payven Larum by Rod M. Santos April 2007 A student at a mages’ school is defined by his fear. It is his greatest enemy and his greatest power. When his bold roommate drags him off on a quest for the perfect brunch, he must face tests unlike anything he has encountered in class. Will he pass, or will he fail? Work-Safety Rating:
A few gross detailsHaunting Clues by Maria Schneider March 2007 In our first detective story, a private investigator is hired to expel a ghost from a mansion. To deal with the dead, though, he must disentangle the secret vices of the living. Work-Safety Rating:
Great over-the-shoulder readingThe Color of Time by Monte Davis February 8, 2007 Eavesdropping on cell phone conversations can be a lurid source of amusement. But what if you could follow a particularly urgent call back to its origination and watch the action unfold for yourself? We’ll take you there in The Color of Time. Work-Safety Rating:
No colorful languageCable and the High Seas by Mikal Trimm January 25, 2007 “I want to be a pirate.” Cable hunched into a position he considered menacing, his legs bent outward, his face squeezed into a rictus of savagery. The overall effect, unfortunately, was that of a man indecently troubled by his bowels. Work-Safety Rating:
Fantasy violenceHot Fudge and Whipped Cream by Tarl Roger Kudrick January 11, 2007 A genie is summoned out of a monotonous retirement to grant a very simple wish. The invocation, however, forces him to confront his most formidible foe in centuries—and himself. Work-Safety Rating:
Brief nudity, but only in the textHell’s Bells by Chuck Wendig December 28, 2006 We’re ringing in the new year with Hell’s bells! In this lively story, the Native American deity condemned to run Limbo must confront Satan about the bells’ literally infernal tintinnabulation. His mission seems as doomed as it is damned. But in his search for a particular devilish delight, Coyote might just find himself again. Work-Safety Rating:
Scattered mild profanityAuthorities Concerned Over Rise of Teen Linux Gangs by Lucy A. Snyder December 14, 2006 Gangs of geeks experiment with the practical applications of installing Linux on dead badgers—with terrifying, hilarious, and inevitable results. Work-Safety Rating:
A few blue words and mild sexual innuendoCable and the Sword of Destiny by Mikal Trimm November 30, 2006 A boy and his dog. (Oops, wrong story, wrong writer.) A dog and his boy, let’s say. And a marble-thewed barbarian. And various sharp, pointy objects. And things that blow up real good. Looks like another “Cable” story... Work-Safety Rating:
Fantasy violenceOne Million Years B.F.E.: Diary of an Anthropologist in Exile by Merrie Haskell November 16, 2006 In this take-off on Bridget Jones’s Diary, an anthropologist is exiled to the Lower Paleolithic for “temporal crimes.” Will her prehistoric hardships help further her understanding of Man—or men? Work-Safety Rating:
Clean enough for your boss or your grandmotherCable and the Possible God by Mikal Trimm November 2, 2006 This is the first of three fantasy adventure tales featuring Cable, the oldest boy in the world, and his constant companion, the world’s ugliest dog. In this story, they encounter a older gentleman with godlike powers—and a case of amnesia. So, what is he a god of, exactly? Work-Safety Rating:
Fantasy violenceGraveyard Shift by Lucy A. Snyder October 19, 2006 Zombies and vampires are coming to your office, but not for trick-or-treating. This sampling of newspaper articles examines the new trend in “Inhuman Resources.” Don’t be surprised if you soon find blood in the coffee dispenser or brains in the breakroom fridge. Work-Safety Rating:
A few gross detailsCat Futures by Lawrence M. Schoen October 5, 2006 Many a guy has had to put up with his girlfriend’s cat, but how many of those cats can tell the future? Work-Safety Rating:
Safe enough for kittensIt Could Happen by Tina Connolly September 21, 2006 Could someone be a commercially successful horror writer and command the respect of the literary community? Sure, it could happen! Especially if they have a “hell” of a muse. Work-Safety Rating:
The word “hell” is about as bad as it getsBugaboo, Electric Blue by Chandra Renais September 7, 2006 Is the monster under the bed or in your head? A woman and her two sugar-stoked young nieces confront this question together and learn that the answer might lurk in their hearts. Work-Safety Rating:
Scattered mild profanityWhen Science Fiction Clichés Go Bad by Jennifer Pelland August 24, 2006 Revisit The Mating Pair, The Last Man and Woman on Earth, and The Planet of the Amazon Women—all as you have never seen them before! Work-Safety Rating:
Constant sexual innuendo, mild sexual contentImprobable Times by E. Mark Mitchell August 10, 2006 A lawyer and his physicist friend endure an adventure reminiscent of Douglas Adams as reality falls apart all around them. What will they do to restore normality in the face of increasingly improbable events? Work-Safety Rating:
One impact to the groinWomen of the Lace by Sandra McDonald July 20, 2006 This historical fantasy traces the magic of lacemaking through the centuries—and tells how the craft literally fell into the wrong hands. Work-Safety Rating:
Mild sexual innuendoLetters to the Journal of Experimental History by Robert Lopresti July 20, 2006 In this story, scientists who travel back in time to kill their grandfathers publish rather than perish. Through letters to the editor, researchers debate the complicated ethics of their field—and come to some rather surprising conclusions. Work-Safety Rating:
Squeaky cleanA Vampire and a Vampire Hunter Walk into a Bar by Keith R.A. DeCandido July 20, 2006 After centuries of conflict, a vampire and his nemesis have plenty to talk about when they get together for drinks. Woven into this rapid-fire “bitch session” about modern culture is a gentle lesson about what can give life meaning. Work-Safety Rating:
Brief mild profanity |
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